Saturday, August 16, 2008

Emotions

I don't know why but I had so much emotions that I figured I need to share it out to people. Maybe its because Sinren is not here right now and I had no one to speak to about it.

I'm troubled.

I don't know why I have this weird thing going on. Whenever I see that someone (close to the heart) is living their life badly or hurting themselves, I choose to move myself away from them.

I know there is nothing I can do to change the situation. I can't talk to them about it coz they won't listen to the suggestions I had for them. It hurts my heart but I just take myself off from the picture of their lives.

I had this friend who was friends with me for years. This friend was there when no one even wanna talk to me and when I had no friends. But I pulled myself away from this friend coz I could not bear to see her living her life that way. And it ruined our friendship. I don't know if this friend is happy now but I would wish this friend all the best whole-heartedly.

Then, there's this person whom is very precious to me. It hurts to see this person failing in life. It hurts even more to see this person hurting herself.

Anyways, if you know who you are, please try to listen to the voice of my heart.

I know how difficult it is for you to grow up. I know coz I've seen it all. Not all but sufficient to see how scarred your heart is.

I believe life is how you chose it to be. If you choose to lead a good life, the path would be cleared all the way. If you choose to let the worst get into you, you will hurt yourself even more. I am not in the position to ask you how to choose it. But I hoped that you would choose for the best.

Seeing you hurt yourself hurts me even more. One scar on your skin creates 10 stabs into my heart. You may think that I am exaggerating but its true. You are really precious to me and these words cannot prove anything about it.

Many things I wanna talk to you about. About how have you been? What have you been doing after the last trip? How's school? How's the place you are at now? How's life? I just wanna know everything about you coz we had lost a lot of time together. I remembered how we used to talk about everything on earth when we were younger.

I couldn't get myself to look at you and talk to you that day. I don't know what to do to make you feel better about life. I want you to have a good life. I want you to be like me coz that's what you always told me when we were younger. But I just don't know how to tell you.

I thought it was better off if you stayed with me instead of them. At least, I could change what is to happen right now and we could still be the best friends/sisters like we were when we were younger.

But all these things are to be reminisce. We couldn't go back to the time when you would cry everytime I tried to wake you up and taking bathes together coz I had no power to turn back time.

I really wished things were better for you coz like a sister it makes me happy to see you happy and sad when you hated life.

Please stop hurting yourself and spoil your health with unnessesary things. What you do hurt not only yourself. Its hurting me too.

If you still think of me as a sister like you always did when you were younger, please listen to me and rearrange your life. I'm always here to help.

Hugs and kisses....

I don't know it will get to her how I'm feeling but I would try every chance I could.

I'm so emotional these days I think I'm gonna flood my room soon.

Sigh~

Bye lah...

Too emotional to continue.

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