dookiekookie

I went to meet up with Vivian with Sinren yesterday. Started the meet up with her at the taxi stand outside Sungei Wang. The feeling was complicated. I missed her so much coz I have not seen her for like 3-4 years but yet I didn't know what to do when I see her. I wanted to hug her but shy pulak. And I was so nervous to see her, I don't know why. When I get nervous my English sucks like hell. She must be thinking :" Why her English suck like this still wanna converse in English? I think she better speak in Chinese . Vivian is damn tall and thin now. The last time I saw her she was shorter than me, a lil plump and lack of confidence all together. But now... the way she dresses, makeup, the way she talks, the way she brings herself. I know she has found the confidence that I always wanted to tell her to have. I looked so short and so not doll-ed up beside her. Dammit!!! All my fault for not bringing my contact lense back to kl. :'( Can't do any makeup. Wear specs...

Grandpa's funeral is over. Grandpa's body now lay peacefully and his soul hopefully be in the place that should have been. Grandma seems okay even though she did cried. I don't know if she remembered anything but she seems ok. Everything is back to normal but I still have the very sad feeling in me. I still don't feel like smiling because I kept thinking of the moment they close up the coffin. The feeling at that moment was the worst of all. So much memories flash and ah gong's ( grandpa's ) smile keep running in my head. I had not felt so down ever in my life. Every time I think of ah gong I'll start crying. I cried till my eyes and head hurts. But I just can't get over it. Sinren told me I shouldn't be sad. Coz ah gong's at a better place and he's with God at this moment. I know all this by heart. And I know ah gong died peacefully. But I don't know why I just felt really really sad. It will take time for me to get over it. Co...

Today I received a sms frm my cousin ( I think ) asking me what is my granddad's name in chinese. Thinking that it was nothing I joked and said: "Who is this? Own grandpa's name also don't know arh???" Got no reply after that so I thought it was no serious matter. Then I received a call from my mother telling me that my grandpa passed away this morning. The maid tried to wake him in the morning but he didn't woke up. I broke into tears coz granddad always was a better grandparent to me ( from my father's side ). I felt bad for making a joke like that to my cousin. It was really disrespectful. Grandpa Pang had always sayang me. He liked talking to me. I know coz he seldom smiles at other grandchildren when talking to them. But he smiles when he talks to me. Even though we had language barrier, coz I don't speak Teochew that well and he doesn't speak Chinese, I managed to know about his worries about his life and the fears he secretly face. ...

These are all my besties... From left to right: Lizzie, Nana, Li, Anu, Puff, Ann, Deepa and Buvie (the last one of course no introduction needed right??? -_^) These people had been in my life for years. Some even friends since primary school. Without them... I don't think I can survive secondary school. REALLY!!!! Its that serious... Anyways, yesterday we had a conference call. I was busy doing something ( I forgot what lah ) suddenly I received Buvie's call. I said: "Wassup?" and suddenly a whole lot of voice popped saying hi back. Its impossible that everyone went back to Melaka as its a weekday mah right? Summore one in UPM, one at ss2, one at sec 14 lagi two more pulak in Melaka. So how can all be together right? Thanks to technology, we can have that chat together even though it was really difficult coz all were trying to shout into the conversation, namely deepa and ann. Hahaahahhaha~ I had to let them talk and only wait till they realized "Eh,...

Once again... I'm heartbroken I once loved the arrival of December But this year I loathe it I wished it never come and none of us would have fought coz I won't feel lonely

Today at 10am I had my tutorial. I hated tutorial. Coz I just don't like it. This morning's tutorial was even worse. My tutor made big comments about my fingers today. Yes, my poor over-skinny fingers. Today as I was playing, she said that my fingers keep collapsing at the knuckles area. Coz in piano playing, your knuckles are supposed to be the highest point. And if you have your knuckles keep collapsing, your playing will be quite weak. I had not have this problem before...Well, that's what I thought lah. My previous piano teachers did tell me that my fingers do collapse (another bad thing for piano playing). And I corrected it. Manatau, now come a new prob d. Its not that I cannot accept that I have this problem. I mean, I can accept anything that she says although I don't usually agree with her. But it's the way she tells it. She told me what to do and then I was trying to do it. But I couldn't do it really well. Well, of course lah. It takes t...

I am heart broken...